


Firefly

by Brawness



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, someone told me I haven't been posting sad shit lately
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-01-24 14:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18573160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brawness/pseuds/Brawness
Summary: Minho stared at the face that haunted his dreams for the past few years.The most beautiful face he ever saw. The face he loved the most. The person he loved the most."Please leave."





	1. Chapter 1

_ “Tonight, I’ll send the glow of a firefly _

_ to somewhere near your window _

_ It’s that I love you” _

 

He was so tired. 

 

The principal nodded with regret as she accepted his resignation letter. He worked as a daycare teacher for the past three years. He was never late, never called in sick and never had issues. Needless to say he was her favorite employee. 

 

But he was so tired. 

 

“We are sad to see you go, Jinwoo.” She smiled ruefully. “However I do understand your reason. Please know that if you ever change your mind, there will always be a place for you here.” 

 

Touched, he smiled at the older lady who had been his mentor during his time teaching. He was going to miss her.

 

He was going to miss the kids too. But it was time. 

 

He shook her hand and she gave him a brief hug, which she would never normally offer. But she had a soft spot for him, he knew.

 

It was not a sudden resignation. He let her know a month prior, to give them time to look for a replacement. He trained that person as well. Him offering his resignation now was more of a formality than anything else. 

 

He just needed to go. And he knew exactly where. 

 

*

 

“What do you mean he’s gone? Look for him!” Minho ground out as his assistant explained the situation. 

 

“Mr. Song, he resigned from the school a month ago. None of the staff know of his whereabouts. His old apartment was rented out to someone else and the landlord also did not know where he moved to.” 

 

“Look. Harder.” He growled. His assistant bowed and left the office. 

 

A person doesn’t just disappear into thin air. Maybe it was difficult for regular people to find someone who did not wish to be found. But Minho was not a regular person. He will find him, if it was the last thing he did. 

 

*

 

_ Two years ago _

 

_ “Can you tell me… why?” His soft voice trembled.  _

 

_ Minho couldn’t face him, knowing what he would see. He look at the heartbreak that he orchestrated himself.  _

 

_ “It’s not working out. I can’t afford any distractions right now.”  _

 

_ The silence was deafening. Minho could almost hear his own soul breaking.  _

 

_ “I see.”  _

 

_ That was it.  _

 

_ He just stood there, vacantly watching the movers remove all evidence of his person from the apartment. His eyes blank as he collected his things.  _

 

_ Minho arrived that day to an empty apartment. His own things were still there, the furniture that Jinwoo did not bring with him were still there. But it was empty.  _

 

_ Minho fell to his knees and wept.  _

 

_ * _

 

He never thought there would come a time that he would inhabit his childhood home again. That he would come back. 

 

But it offered him some comfort. Like an old friend that welcomed him after a long, hard day. And Jinwoo’s day had been the worst. The last two years of it. 

 

He sat on the rigid chair where his father used to sit by the window watching the gray waves crash against the dock. The weather was frigid outside and the sun was covered by thick clouds. But no rain yet. He hoped the small ferry that was coming in would be able to dock safely. 

 

Autumn has arrived, when all the trees turning into the fiery orange of a phoenix. The last blaze of glory before their death in winter. Only to rise again in the spring. 

 

He sighed, huddling into his sweater for warmth. His two cats cuddled together on his bed, purring and content by the heater. He smiled wistfully at the image, remembering a time when he also was kept warm. When the freezing winds of Seoul did not matter to him 

 

His bones ached. The kitchen was slightly warmer as he fixed himself some hot chocolate. 

 

Exhaustion pulled at him, he was feeling under the weather this morning. Just a little worse than usual. It progressed to the afternoon, perhaps he caught a cold from someone when he went grocery shopping the day before. Great. 

 

He drained the cup and washed it. He knew that hot chocolate wasn’t really sustenance, but it was all he could keep down lately. It wasn’t a surprise he was drained. 

 

He was just about to curl up with his cats when a knock sounded from his front door. 

 

Who could it be? Maybe his elderly neighbors needed something?

 

He quickly shuffled into his slippers, ignoring the sluggish protest of his own body, and hurried to the door, opening it without hesitation. 

 

It took him a split second to decide to shut the door, but he was faster. 

 

Swiftly insinuating a booted foot against the door frame prevented Jinwoo from closing it. 

 

With a decisive motion, Minho pushed his way into Jinwoo’s life again. 

 

*

 

_ For all his shark like persona in the corporate world, Minho was an absolute marshmallow at home.  _

 

_ Jinwoo shook his head as he watched him roll around in catnip while their three cats rolled around with him, blissfully high.  _

 

_ “I am glad you bought me a roomba for christmas, Minho, otherwise, I will have you sweep that up yourself.”  _

 

_ “But it’s special catnip! Look how happy they are!” Minho whined, grabbing Jhonny into a cuddle, which the poor, high cat melted into.  _

 

_ “I’m pretty sure they can’t tell the difference.” Jinwoo replied, but smiled anyway and snapped a picture of his little family sprawled on the livingroom floor.  _

 

_ “Bobby told me it was premium catnip, so I bought some off him.” The upcoming corporate giant pouted like a little boy, similar to the kids Jinwoo was teaching part time when they are being scolded. _

 

_ “You make Bobby sound like a drug dealer.” Jinwoo snickered imagining their mutual friend (who was also Minho’s business partner) selling little baggies of catnip around the corner.  _

 

_ “Bobby doesn’t even own a cat. How much did you pay for it? Actually, I don’t wanna know. I swear, Song Minho. I don’t understand how you climbed up the corporate ladder sometimes.” _

 

_ Minho didn’t answer. _

 

_ “He scalped you, didn’t he?” Jinwoo guessed correctly. “It’s probably the same thing you get from Petsmart, put in a ziploc bag.” _

 

_ The pouting child continued cuddling Jhonny.  _

 

_ “What do I do with you, Minho?” _

 

_ Minho looked up at him with an unexpectedly tender expression. “You love me anyway.”  _

 

_ Jinwoo softened.  _

 

_ “Very much.”  _

 

_ * _

Minho stared at the face that haunted his dreams for the past few years. 

 

The most beautiful face he ever saw. The face he loved the most. The person he loved the most. 

 

Jinwoo stared back at him, his face white, eyes wide. As if he saw a ghost. 

 

“What are you doing here.” He whispered, his pale fingers clutching at the ends of his sweater sleeves. 

 

“I came to find you.” He said, his voice gravelly from being silent the entire time he travelled to the island. 

 

“Please leave.” 

 

He was not sure what sort of reception he expected, but this was one of the possibilities he did not wish to entertain. But he waited for so long. He wouldn’t be deterred. 

 

“You disappeared.” Minho said. 

 

Jinwoo’s eyes widened even more and became glassy. “You were keeping tabs on me?” 

 

“What do you think?”

 

The doe eyes shuttered and a bitter smile surfaced on his lips. Minho wanted to wipe it away. It did not belong on the face of the Jinwoo he knew. 

 

“Does it matter what I think?” 

 

Jinwoo tilted his head to the side, his expression serene and cold. “Please leave. Shut the door behind you.” 

 

Minho’s chest burned as he watched the same scene of Jinwoo turning his back and leaving him. Both times his fault. 

 

He couldn’t stop himself. He grabbed Jinwoo’s wrist to stop him.  _ What he should have done before. _

 

Jinwoo struggled, but Minho was stronger. 

 

“Let go of me!” He pulled at his wrist, but Minho would not relent. 

 

“I need to explain.” He said urgently. 

 

He stopped struggling. “Explain what? I don’t want to hear it, Song Minho. Let me go. Leave me alone!” 

 

The barbs wrapped and squeezed around his heart, but he deserved every single one. 

 

“I won’t leave until you listen to me.” He transferred his grip on to Jinwoo’s shoulders in fear of injuring his wrist. 

 

Jinwoo’s eyes narrowed into angry slits. “This is so like you, Song Minho. I don’t have a choice in this do I? Just like last time? You tell me we’re done and we’re done. Now here you are again.” He said cuttingly. 

 

“Please. Just listen.” Minho said gentling his tone. Lovingly scanning Jinwoo’s features, watching the anger slowly melt into resignation. Sadness. 

 

“I’m tired.” His cold hands came up to Minho’s wrists, feebly circling them.

 

The softly uttered statement spoke so much to Minho. Wounding him.

 

Unable to help himself, he pulled Jinwoo to him, wrapping his arms tightly around him, hearing his soft gasp at their sudden contact. Minho wanted to cry at how good he felt in his arms. 

 

His soul was rejoicing. Finally. 

 

_ Finally.  _

 

*

 

Minho was a furnace. 

 

That was what went on Jinwoo’s head as he was suddenly enveloped in blissful heat. As if he did not just warm himself by the radiator a few minutes ago. His face fit perfectly on his shoulder. He smelled so painfully familiar. 

 

No. Not again. Not this time. 

 

It was too late. 

 

With all his strength, with what strength he had left, he pushed him, struggling in earnest. 

 

“Let me go!” 

 

“Stop it.” Minho’s voice rumbled against his chest. He was so strong. 

 

“Let me go, Minho.” He cried hoarsely, slumping against him, feeling the tears burn his skin. 

 

He was so tired. 

 

Minho supported his weight. Just like he used to. Jinwoo felt his breath hitch in his lungs. 

 

“No, no. Please.” Minho gently tilted his face, his expression steeped in guilt. “Please don’t weep.” Leaving trails of kisses over his brows, his cheek. The corner of his eye, tasting the tears. 

 

The sheer gentleness of his actions, the genuine love he felt coming from Minho, for some reason made him furious. 

 

He balled his fist and before he knew it, his fist connected with Minho’s jaw with a resounding smack. It was a weak punch at most since he didn’t have the leverage, and also he was disgustingly weak. But it caught Minho off guard, his head snapped to the side. 

 

“OW. What the fuck.” Minho growled, rubbing his jaw. 

 

Jinwoo nursed his injured hand against his chest. No one told him it was also painful to punch someone. “Fuck, that hurt.” He whispered to himself. 

 

“Did you hurt yourself?” Minho had the gall to ask, already recovered from the punch as if it was nothing. 

 

How apt. 

 

Even Jinwoo’s effort trying to hurt him did not faze Minho. Nothing Jinwoo ever did will affect Minho as much as what Minho did affected Jinwoo. 

 

Just like before. He didn't matter. He doesn't matter. He will never matter. 

 

Which begs the question. Why was he here?

 

Minho pulled Jinwoo’s aching hand close to his face in disapproval. “Your hand is gonna bruise.” 

 

“And who’s fault is that?” He slapped Minho’s chest. “You  _ slap  _ barged  _ slap  _ in  _ slap  _ here  _ slap  _ uninvited!”  _ Slap slap slap _ . 

 

“Enough!” Minho grabbed both his wrists, his face annoyed. 

 

Jinwoo was also mad so he didn’t let that stop him. He used his feet and started kicking. 

 

“Will you stop?” Minho literally shook him. Jinwoo’s head wobbled, momentarily stunned. 

 

Minho was breathing hard, nostrils flared, irritation apparent on his visage. He was looking intensely into Jinwoo’s eyes with something that made Jinwoo feel apprehensive. 

 

“Minh-!” 

 

Hot, firm lips covered Jinwoo’s before he registered Minho’s intent. 

 

A solid arm snagged his waist closer causing him to gasp. That was the opening Minho was waiting for. 

 

Jinwoo was plundered. 

 

So strong. So intense and possessing. 

 

He couldn’t help it. 

 

He melted into Minho, digging his fingers into his shoulders for support, Minho held him tighter if possible. 

 

It was exactly as he remembered. The strong, masterful motion of lips against lips. Small bites and licks. Deep and soul sucking. 

 

Minho’s hand carefully cradled the back of Jinwoo’s head separating them. His cheeks were flushed, his expression had Jinwoo gasping for breath, weakened. 

 

“I’ve been waiting for this.” Minho’s rough voice. Eyes intensely focused on him.

 

The reminder of their time spent apart sent a dart of hurt through him.  _ Then why? _

 

But before Jinwoo could gather himself and his emotions, Minho was kissing him again. 

 

His body’s reaction was beyond his control. The instinctive response of his soul welcoming a long lost lover casually swept his reservations away. 

 

_ Beloved.  _

 

*

 

His chest felt full as he gently held Jinwoo’s form to him. The act of their lovemaking, the generosity of it was enough to make him weep. It was just as how they were but more profound. More breathtaking. 

 

He could not ask for a better lover. 

 

But he was concerned by how much smaller Jinwoo was. The air of fragility he never had before. He had always been smaller in stature compared to Minho, but he was never diminished. 

 

He ran his hand over the silky skin of Jinwoo’s back, tracing the swell of his hip, finding the hollow below the sharp bone. Jinwoo’s soft cheek moved on his shoulder, soft breaths brushing his sternum. Now that he had Jinwoo back again, he could no longer imagine how he managed to survive the years without him. He pressed his lips to the downy hair. 

 

Slowly, Jinwoo stirred and sat up. Minho sat up as well, laying his hand on his shoulder. 

 

“You need to leave.” 

 

The quietly spoken words did not sink in right away. 

 

“I’m sorry?” 

 

“You got what you wanted. Leave.”

 

As if a bucket of ice was poured over him, Minho froze. “What. The fuck?” 

 

The beauty of the moment was lost. The significance of what they just did, polluted. Corrupted. 

 

Jinwoo sat rigidly, as if he did not just calmly decimate what was left of Minho’s heart. 

 

“Was that just some sort of… pity fuck?” The words that came out of his mouth felt like vitriol. Black and toxic. Ugly.

 

“Isn’t that what you came here for?” Jinwoo got out of the bed, grabbing his discarded sweater to cover his nakedness, while Minho sat there, feeling more shell shocked than he ever did in his entire life.

 

“How can you say that?” Minho spat, ripping the comforter away from him and following Jinu to the bathroom where he saw him wash down a pill with water. “How can you honestly say that?” He repeated, his anger warring with disbelief. 

 

Jinwoo continued ignoring him, rummaging through his medicine cabinet for his toothbrush. This incensed him further. 

 

“Answer me!” Minho roared, grabbing Jinwoo by the collar, slamming him against the wall. 

 

“Minho, no!” JInwoo cried out, hands up to protect himself. 

 

The very image of Jinwoo like that burned into his brain. That defensive posture. As if Minho would ever hurt him. Him, of all people. 

 

It was more than he could bear.

 

Because he did. Hurt him. 

 

He released his shirt.

 

Jinwoo immediately sank away from him. 

 

Just when he thought it couldn’t hurt any worse. 

 

Minho held his breath and turned back to the bedroom, carelessly shucking his clothes on, his heart still stupidly beating despite Minho wanting to die. 

 

He left. 

 

*

 

Jinwoo couldn’t stand.

 

He just sat on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor as his cats curled around him in comfort. As if they knew. 

 

His body ached everywhere. His body. His head. 

 

His heart. 

 

He huddled into his sweater, closing his eyes at the memories. He didn’t have the capability to describe how beautiful Minho was. How loving. 

 

How his long fingers caressed his face as if it was the first time he saw him. How those same fingers touched him with so much gentleness and adoration. 

 

How his lips worshiped even the air that Jinwoo breathed. 

 

How the man made him feel as if it was possible for them to be together. 

 

The roughness of a cat’s tongue lapped at his cheeks. He opened his eyes to see Rei face to face with him. The intelligence in those yellow eyes made Jinwoo believe that they were sentient beings. 

 

“Sorry. I’m crying again.” He said, lifting a hand to scratch the cat’s chin. Rei gave a soft purr and curled on Jinwoo’s lap. 

 

*

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

 

_ “Just like letters on the sand where waves were _

_ I feel you’ll disappear to a far off place _

_ I always miss you”  _

  
  


The weather in Imja island was turning gloomy. There were reports of possible thunderstorms in the next few days. Minho lounged in his hotel balcony watching the clouds roll in from the sea. 

 

“He hasn’t gone out in two days.” His assistant said. 

 

Minho tamped down the flare of concern. Was he alright? What if he was sick? 

 

But what if he was doing what Minho was doing? Which was basically hiding out and licking his wounds. He winced at the memory of their last meeting. Yeah, that didn’t go so well. He got too rattled. He thought they were okay, but maybe that was just in his own idiotic head. Of course they were not okay. Minho did not get to explain himself yet. He did not apologize properly yet. 

 

He should not have jumped the gun, but his stupid heart pushed him. 

 

He stubbed his cigarette into the ashtray. “Please prepare the car.” 

 

*

 

The cats mewled timidly as the winds buffeted the house. Jinwoo was afraid that the shingles of his roof would actually come off from the strength of it. He had rose from his bed, still feeling the effects of the cold he somehow powered through. But he was now hollow and exhausted.

 

He just finished the tea he made for himself when his windows were ripped open by the wind, and along with it came rain. 

 

“Fuck, fuck.” He wrapped his clothes closer to himself and rushed to close them back again, but upon inspection, he saw that the lock broke off and he had nothing to secure them with. 

 

“Great. Fuck.” 

 

Just what he needed. He took both of his cats and shut them in the bathroom for their safety. 

 

Heedless of the downpour, he ran outside to find something to bolt the windows close. 

 

He found a piece of wood miraculously lying by the side of the house. But he needed a hammer and nails. Did he even have those? He didn’t really fully check where all the things were. His friend Seunghoon assured him he had the place reasonably maintained. And by reasonable, it was all Jinwoo would allow his friend to do for him. Seunghoon would have built him a castle if he asked for it. 

 

He stood there helplessly staring at his broken window. He was blank. Maybe it was exhaustion or the after effects of him being sick, but he just couldn’t work up the necessary brain power to help his situation. And at the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn’t be standing in the rain, it was like having a death wish. 

 

He smirked. 

 

“What the fuck, are you crazy?” A deep voice yelled, effectively startling him out of his daze. 

 

Something dry and heavy was thrown over his head, as arms roughly bundled him with it. It happened so fast, he didn’t realize he was carried and strapped into a vehicle, until Minho slid into the driver’s side and closed the door. 

 

A gust of warm air permeated the cabin as Minho put the heater in full blast. Jinwoo belatedly felt that he was shivering, and it was Minho’s coat that was wrapped around him. 

 

They started moving when he got his wits together enough to ask, “My cats.” 

 

“Seungyoon will take care of them.” Came the curt reply. 

 

“The window.” 

 

“Seungyoon will handle it.” 

 

He started wriggling out of the coat. It was a difficult task, since his arms were trapped within the folds and Minho wrapped him tighter than a spring roll. 

 

“But-” 

 

Minho jerked his head sharply in negative. 

 

“You don’t underst-” 

 

“Please.” The word sounded like it was forced between clenched teeth. 

 

Jinwoo shut up. 

 

The drive was quiet the entire twenty minutes to the only expensive hotel in the island, Minho concentrated on driving safely and Jinwoo was just too drained to do anything else. 

 

So he sat there. 

 

He also didn’t do anything when Minho pulled up to the porte cochere, unbuckled Jinwoo from his seat, and picked him up as if he didn’t weigh anything. 

 

Struggling would have been useless, because one, he didn’t have the strength for it and two, where would he go? It was at the other side of the island from his house, he knew no one and had no money nor a phone on him. 

 

Jinwoo learned early in life to wisely choose his battles. 

 

*

 

Minho set his surprisingly docile captive on the couch nearest to the heater. 

 

“Stay here.” He ordered gruffly. 

 

Jinwoo made no indication that he heard him. Minho shed his uncomfortably damp clothes and took a quick shower. What the fuck did Jinwoo think he was doing, standing out in the rain with no protection whatsoever? 

 

He wrapped a towel around his waist, draped another one on his neck and walked out to the living room. Trepidation gripped him. Should he have trusted JInwoo to not run away? 

 

His worries were unfounded. Jinwoo was asleep. He was in the same spot where he left him, but he was lying on his side. 

 

Rubbing the towel on his hair, he sat on the bed, watching him across the room. 

 

What does he do with him now? 

 

He really did not plan anything beyond making sure he was alright. Sighing heavily, he went to put on his clothes. 

 

Maybe he should wake him up to eat? Or continue sleeping on the bed? 

 

He crouched in front of his slumbering guest, observing how he clutched the coat around him, his pallor, the darkness under his eyes. 

 

As gentle as he could, he slipped his arms under him and carried him to the bed. 

 

When Minho deemed he looked comfortable enough, he just stared at Jinwoo again, his ever hopeful mind thinking how Jinwoo seemed as if he belonged on there. His bed. 

 

Long, dark lashes fluttered, startling him.

 

“Minho.” Bright eyes settled unfocused on him, but his face was a revelation. 

 

As if a beacon of light shown through. As if the years of separation never happened. 

 

Sheer, unbearable love.

 

He was gutted. 

 

He wanted to gather Jinwoo to him and break down. Let his heart respond for him. 

 

But quickly as it came, Jinwoo's face shuttered, extinguishing whatever light was there. 

 

Along with Minho's hope.

 

*

 

It happened gradually.

 

He worked late. 

 

He answered his phone less, missed his calls and forgot their dates entirely.

 

He started spending more and more nights in his office. 

 

But whenever they met, it was still the same starved affection Minho had for him. The intense passion and lust.

 

So he thought he was just busy. And that all was well. 

 

He didn't begrudge Minho his success, after all it was his life's work. He was content with seeing him satisfied that his company was growing. 

 

It's not like he could help him grow it, Jinwoo knew nothing about business. He was a daycare teacher. 

 

He didn't know what Minho saw in him, if he was being perfectly honest. 

 

They met when Jinwoo started working at the school as a teaching assistant. Minho brought his niece to school because his sister was sick. 

 

The child was crying inconsolably, wiping her tears on the expensively dressed man who looked so handsome and out of place, surrounded by mothers and their children. 

 

Jinwoo couldn't help but stare as the man crouched in front of the girl, brushing her tears and peppering little kisses on her face, making the child giggle.

 

“Uncle will pick you up later, Hyejin-ah, then we'll have ice cream. What do you say?” Jinwoo heard him murmur. 

 

“Wanna go now.” She pouted petulantly. 

 

Deciding to step in before an imminent tantrum started, “But who will play with teacher Jinwoo if you're not here, Hyejin?” He also crouched to get the little girl's attention.

 

“I would say ‘me’, but that would be totally inappropriate in this setting.” Minho murmured. 

 

Jinwoo was startled. Flustered. Charmed. 

 

Minho found all sorts of excuses to stop by the school. 

 

But it was all awkward flirting up until they bumped into each other at a grocery store that they started going out. 

 

Minho was in his white t-shirt and jeans. 

 

Something about the simplicity of how he dressed in juxtaposition to his usual suited sharpness that made Jinwoo’s heartbeat accelerate. 

 

Jinwoo caught him mid yawn. 

 

“Long night?” 

 

Minho blinked. Blinked again. Then he recovered, smiling. 

 

“Quite.” With his eyes crinkling at the corners, “But I feel so much better now.” 

 

Jinwoo was a goner. 

 

Everything felt natural and organic, from their dates, to their first night, up to the moment Jinwoo moved in with Minho. Everything was perfect. He was perfect. Even his blasted cat was perfect. 

 

So why?

 

The question Jinwoo asked him once. 

 

The question he had no courage to ask again. 

 

Because deep in his heart he knew the reason. 

 

He was the one lacking. 

 

*

 

“Jinwoo hyung.” 

 

A soft hand held his, playing with his fingers in a familiar manner. 

 

Rising up from the dredges of fevered sleep, he opened his eyes. 

 

Seungyoon. 

 

Bittersweet affection rose in him, almost choking in its intensity. 

 

He still looked the same. 

 

The round eyes, soft cheeks and pouting mouth. 

 

In the years of him trying to avoid everything related to Minho, deprived him of Seungyoon too. 

 

Seungyoon who did nothing wrong. 

 

“Yoonie…” He rasped. 

 

Those round eyes shimmered and looked down. Crystalline drops fell on their joined hands, wetting the crevices. 

 

“I missed you.” Was the whispered reply. The boy shuffled closer from the floor until his head was on the bed, close to Jinwoo’s chest where he was curled up. 

 

Biting his lips to stop his own tears from coming, he brought his hand to stroke his downy hair. 

 

“You avoided me.” Hurt. 

 

He had to. For Jinwoo’s own sake, he had to. It was selfish, but it was also for survival. 

 

He was barely able to cope with his own friend Seunghoon as he still somehow reminded him of Minho. 

 

But Yoonie. 

 

Seungyoon was not only Minho’s assistant, he was almost Minho’s brother. Their closeness meant that he was also a big part of Jinwoo’s life when he and Minho were together. Also like the little brother he never had. 

 

It was another thing that was ripped from him when he and Minho broke up. Another thing to mourn.

 

“I don’t blame you.” Seungyoon said, as if reading his mind. He burrowed his head to Jinwoo’s chest, snaking his arm around his waist as if bridging the years that separated them. “But I missed you so much. So much.” 

 

A tear escaped. He closed his eyes again and held the boy to him, his chest heavy with anguish. 

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

*

 

Minho was in his fourth cup of coffee that day. 

 

Jinwoo really was sick in the two days Minho left him alone. That meant that he already wasn’t feeling well when they slept together. 

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

 

Aside from the gnawing guilt of maybe catching him off guard when he wasn’t physically strong enough to resist, he was sick and Minho didn’t notice, when he should have. 

 

“He’s sleeping again, but he should eat something. I had him drink some juice just now.” Seungyoon said in a hushed voice, his eyes rimmed red. 

 

Minho sighed. 

 

“Seungyoon.”

 

His assistant started tidying up perfectly organized documents. 

 

“Yoon.” 

 

He heard a sniff. 

 

Minho sighed again. Standing up from his armchair, he roughly pulled the boy to him and pressed his face to his shoulder. The younger’s unsteady breaths permeated his shirt. 

 

“I’ll fix this, okay?” 

 

Jinwoo was not the only injured party in Minho’s stupid plans. Seungyoon, his loyal and unwavering long time friend. Little brother. He was hurt too. 

 

But he stood by Mino’s side even when it hurt him. 

 

“Don’t be stupid this time.” He sounded congested as he pulled away from Minho.

 

Straightening his clothes Seungyoon made his way out of the suite, but before he went, 

 

“I also expect a bonus. Rei and Bei did not recognize me at first and I got scratched for my efforts.” He showed Minho angry red claw marks on his palm. Minho winced. 

 

He’ll get a raise. 

 

*

 

The next time Jinwoo woke up, his head didn’t feel like it was stuffed with wool anymore, but he felt like he just ran a marathon the day before and wasn’t fed the entire time. 

 

“I ordered room service.” Minho was standing by the balcony, smoking. 

 

His plain shirt, jeans and bare feet reminded Jinwoo of the Minho before. His Minho. 

 

Taming the ever present pinch in his heart, he swung his legs to the floor, careful to not get dizzy. When he was sure he wasn’t going to embarrass himself in front of his ex, He slowly walked to the table where a tray of food was arranged. 

 

Some fruits, toast and soup with a light broth. He was grateful for that. He didn’t think he could handle heavy food when his stomach was still sensitive. 

 

He ate in silence, managing to put away half of the food. He felt better. 

 

“Have you eaten yet?” He timidly asked Minho, feeling inconsiderate eating by himself and not asking about his host. 

 

Minho shrugged. 

 

A no then. 

 

“Minho, sit here please.” Jinwoo pointed at the chair across from him. 

 

He had no idea what to say. Or what to do. Or what he wanted in general. 

 

Lies. 

 

He knew what he wanted. It’s just that it will never be available to him. It was too late for that, he thought bitterly. 

 

Minho stubbed his cigarette and closed the balcony door. He obliged Jinwoo and sat there, not saying anything. 

 

“Why am I here?” Jinwoo finally asked.  _ Why are you here? Why are you back? What do you want?  _

 

"You were sick. I was worried." Minho said simply. 

 

That was not the answer Jinwoo wanted. He wanted to nip it in the bud and send Minho on his way. He wanted to ask the questions he should have asked years ago but was afraid to. And he was still afraid. 

 

Afraid that he would agree once more because he was weak. 

 

He was weak and lonely. 

 

He was afraid because he wouldn't be able to let go when he inevitably had to. 

 

He was afraid because he still loved Minho after all this time. 

 

He let him go once. He couldn't do it again.

 

So he had to be strong and not hold on to him at all. 

 

*

 

He kept his silence as he watched a multitude of emotions cross Jinwoo's face. In the meantime, his own heart was racing with his mind on how he should proceed. 

 

Side stepping Jinwoo's question gave him time to think. 

 

All the planning in the world did not prepare him for this. All the speeches in his head sounded paltry and cheap. 

 

He had been arrogant two years ago in thinking he could eventually fix this.

 

"I want you back. I want us to try again." 

 

Jinwoo's pale hands tensed on the table and the look on his face drew a cold dagger of trepidation in his chest. 

 

"Why?" 

 

A single word that managed to ask everything. 

 

And he was going to tell him all about it. Everything Minho had done. For them. Jinwoo deserved all the answers. 

 

But he didn't think it was the right time. 

 

Not when Jinwoo was shaking with his fever still, he could barely hold his own body up. 

 

"I made a mistake. I shouldn't have waited for so long." Minho admitted.

 

The most bitter smile crossed Jinwoo's lips, Minho was so unused to seeing, it momentarily arrested him. 

 

"You really shouldn't have." 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I don’t have much to say. I’ve been listening to a lot of Lana del Rey songs lately.   
> \- I just wanted to spoil you guys a little with a quick update.  
> \- Yell at me or ask me questions on [twitter](https://twitter.com/usmarchioness?s=09)  
> \- This chap is especially for my girl T. I hope you like it.


	3. Chapter 3

__ "How did someone like you come to me?   
If only we could be together right now   
How nice would it be"

 

The weather was still dreary as was predicted by the forecast. Minho spent the last twenty four hours alternating between reading books, watching netflix and also tending to the fevered Jinwoo. 

 

Although he did show signs of feeling better, eating more, smiling a bit more, chatting with Seungyoon, he was still in no way back on his feet. 

 

They were currently watching another travel show with Jinwoo reclining against Minho’s chest. 

 

“I wanna go there.” Jinwoo said wistfully. 

 

Minho’s hand stilled from petting his overlong hair, feeling the warmth still radiating from him. 

 

“We will. When you’re well.” He pressed his lips to the top of his head. “Have you seen a doctor yet? You caught a cold twice in a row.” He was worried about the weight he lost and how weak he became. 

 

Jinwoo stiffened. “Moving from the city back to Imjado was stressful. It took a toll on me. I’ll be okay soon.” 

 

Minho pursed his lips knowing that he didn’t have the right to push Jinwoo into doing anything. 

 

They just got back together. 

 

He still couldn’t believe that Jinwoo took him back. That easily. So easy that it made him a little uneasy. 

 

_ “You really shouldn’t have.”  _ Jinwoo said. His heart sank. 

 

Minho really shouldn’t have waited for so long. He was stupid. It wasn’t worth it. But at the time, he did what he thought was best for Jinwoo and him. 

 

Also for Jinwoo’s safety. 

 

So he was surprised that without really making Minho work for it, Jinwoo conceded. 

 

_ “Okay.” _ It was so silent that he almost did not hear it, but his heart pounded, hope slowly blossoming like an intrepid vine, catching him unawares, making him realize tenfold how much he really felt for JInwoo that time and necessity had him tamp down. 

 

But that one word had Minho on his knees. Literally. 

 

By Jinwoo’s feet. 

 

He took the fragile hands in his own, chasing away the chill with the warmth of his palms. “Thank you.” He whispered against his knuckles, repeating and punctuating the words with reverent kisses. “Forgive me.” 

 

Jinwoo put one hand on the side of Minho’s neck, fingers trailing up his hair with familiarity. So long. Minho missed him so much. 

 

_ “You’re so stupid.”  _ Jinwoo put their foreheads together and wiped Minho’s tears that he didn’t know were there.

 

For the first time in a long while, Minho’s world was okay again. 

 

*

 

He knew he was being selfish, but letting go of Minho wasn’t something he was able to do at the moment. Selfish. 

 

Selfish. 

 

Weak. 

 

He ran his fingers through Minho’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp as he slept, head on Jinwoo’s chest. The weight of it, his warmth. The fact that someone could hear his heartbeat. 

 

He bit his lip and looked outside where the full moon was resting on the sky. 

 

“You’re awake.” Minho’s raspy voice said. The sound was pleasant to his ears. Pain and pleasure. 

 

"Why did you come back?" 

 

Minho stayed silent for a while that Jinwoo thought he fell asleep again. 

 

"Our business didn’t start out as a clean one.” Minho breathed heavily. Jinwoo’s heart sank. 

 

Minho and Bobby really didn’t seem like the typical businessmen even when he first met them. They were both tattooed and shrewd. Sometimes they acted rough and dangerous that even the veneer of civility couldn’t completely conceal.

 

Jinwoo knew that they didn’t come from money. With what little Minho told him about his past, it definitely wasn’t easy. 

 

“Someone we knew from before started making trouble. They targeted Hanbin.”

 

Jinwoo gasped. 

 

Hanbin was Bobby’s lover. He got into an accident months before Minho broke up with Jinwoo. A car crash. He almost died. Bobby went insane during the two weeks Hanbin was in a coma. But Bobby stayed with Hanbin through it all. In sickness and in health. He stayed. 

 

Minho didn’t. 

 

“I’m a coward.” Minho said, his hand finding Jinwoo’s, threading their fingers together. “I didn’t want to risk you. I didn’t want to put you in danger.”

 

Bitterness and anguish pooled in Jinwoo’s chest. All those times Minho intentionally missed his calls, the times he came home late and avoided his questions. They made sense now. But it didn’t make it any better. The irony of it all made it worse. 

 

“Everything has been dealt with. It’s over. I’m a silent partner now.”

 

Jinwoo saw it in the news months ago. He wanted to say that he didn’t care back then, but he still worried. Why would Minho give up control to be just a silent partner when he built that company with Bobby from the ground up? 

 

“When it was safe enough for me to reach out to you again, you were gone.” 

 

Jinwoo left his life in the city. He had no more expectations. 

 

“You’re stupid to leave me.” Jinwoo muttered. 

 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Minho raised himself to his elbows so they were face to face. He was so close, Jinwoo could see the mole on the tip of his nose. 

 

“But I’m here now. Let me make it up to you.” 

 

Jinwoo hid his eyes in Minho’s shoulder, biting his lip. 

 

_ Just for tonight.  _

 

_ Let me be selfish for just one more night.  _

 

_ * _

 

The cold seemed to have hit Jinwoo hard, but Minho was glad he was getting a bit better. Or seemed to. 

 

He was okay in the mornings, but he was easily tired. Minho urged him to rest as much as possible. 

 

At least he was eating a bit more. Seungyoon scoured Imjado for the best food to tempt Jinwoo’s appetite, it was amazing what he discovered for them to eat everyday. 

 

For lunch, Minho decided they should just eat at the hotel restaurant. It was raining and he didn’t want Seungyoon out in that weather. 

 

Jinwoo sat across from him, pale and perfect in a white cashmere cardigan that Minho bought for him. He told Minho to just order for them both since he didn’t know what to get. 

 

When he was done ordering their food and wine pairing, Minho took the time to just look at Jinwoo who had his chin on his hand, staring out at the sea. The overcast skies made the Jinwoo’s eyes seem distant. His faraway look imprinted in Minho’s mind. He looked so beautiful and so untouchable. So sad. 

 

“What are you thinking?” Minho asked, putting his palm over Jinwoo’s other hand on the table. 

 

Jinwoo snapped out of his daze and looked at their hands. “Nothing.” He murmured. “Just tired.” 

 

He was immediately concerned. “Do you want us to go back to our room? I can have the food sent up there.” He felt bad for having Jinwoo come down when he barely recovered yet. 

 

Jinwoo shook his head, his looked as if he was torn about something. It made him nervous. He knew Jinwoo’s gestures. He knew that his next words weren’t going to be something that he would like. 

 

Jinwoo pulled his hand away. 

 

*

 

His bones ached with the weather. The utter heaviness that was now ever present was threatening to drag him under. Waves of heat coursing under his skin, but he felt cold. The sheer exhaustion that was his constant companion thrummed in his veins. The fact that it was getting more difficult to pretend that he was getting better made Jinwoo come to a decision. 

 

He couldn’t take it anymore. The longer he stayed with Minho, the harder it would get to let go. Any longer and he wouldn’t have the power. 

 

He was already too selfish. Greedy. 

 

Minho needed to be with someone else. Someone better. Someone whole. 

 

Someone who was not him. 

 

So he had to break it up now. Before he broke Minho too. 

 

With every word burning his lungs, he calmly dealt the blow. 

 

“Take me back to my house.” 

 

Minho just stared at him, the look on his face clearly said he did not comprehend. 

 

“It was fun while it lasted.” He fiddled with the napkin that was on the table. “But this is not working.” 

 

Finally realizing what Jinwoo said, Minho jerked his hand back from the table.

 

“What do you mean?” He ground out, brows furrowed with the beginnings of flustered anger. 

 

He knew Minho wouldn’t accept it easily.

 

“After everything that has happened in the past two years…” Jinwoo swallowed the lies on his tongue refusing to release. He really didn’t want to hurt Minho. His head started pounding and his shoulders ached with tension. 

 

“I can’t do it anymore.” Jinwoo choked out. “I want out.” 

 

The same words Minho used when he broke up with him years ago came tumbling. Did he look the same way when Minho said them? The same confused and wounded expression? Did Minho feel the same pain he was feeling now? 

 

“I don’t understand.” 

 

“I was curious. To see how far you’d go.” He regarded Minho coldly, his features going in and out of focus. “That you actually thought it was that easy to go back and continue where you left off. It’s funny.” He smiled mirthlessly. 

 

_ Please. _

 

Minho’s face was white, the corners of his mouth were pinched tightly. 

 

“You’ve always been very arrogant.” He lowered his eyes to stare at the candle on the table, the small flame flickering. Look anywhere but Minho. 

 

In the corner of his eye, he saw Minho ball his shaking fist. 

 

“I may be arrogant and stupid.” His voice was also shaking. With anger? Hurt? “But I never once lied to you for the fun of it.” 

 

The chair screeched as Minho stood up and left Jinwoo. 

 

Remorse immediately swallowed Jinwoo. He shouldn’t have. Maybe he could have done it better. Kinder. But he also knew that if he went gently, Minho would fight it and prevail. Still, Minho did not deserve this. 

 

Jinwoo pushed back his chair and stood. 

 

His ears started ringing and the floor suddenly rushed up to him. 

 

*

 

Minho clenched his fists inside his pockets, his nails digging into his palms. 

 

He knew it. It was too easy. Too good to be true. 

 

Was it all a ploy? To get back at him?

 

He’d never known Jinwoo to have a malicious bone in his body. He refused to believe it. But what if the years changed him? Was he really too late? 

 

Uncertainty and hurt warred within him. He paused in pressing the elevator button up to their room. Maybe they just needed to take it slowly. He shouldn’t have stormed out like that. He was about to turn back when he heard a cry from the restaurant. 

 

“Mr. Song!” The hotelier burst from the restaurant entrance, looking scared. 

 

His legs took him running before his mind registered. His heart was in his throat when he saw restaurant staff huddled around their table. He couldn't hear anything else, his vision tunneled. 

 

A pale hand was on the floor. White cashmere…

 

He pushed at the obstacles blocking his way. He didn't care.

 

Jinwoo. Jinwoo. Jinwoo.

 

_ Jinwoo.  _

 

He was on the floor, completely unconscious. 

 

Minho’s mind went on autopilot. He picked him up easily. The adrenaline rushing through him made the weight insignificant. Dread was squeezing his lungs as he strode into the lobby and Jinwoo’s head lolled like a limp doll on his shoulder. 

 

“Seungyoon!” He bellowed. 

 

As if by magic, his assistant appeared at the entrance and escorted them to the waiting car. Minho slid into the back seat with Jinwoo cradled on his lap, Seungyoon immediately headed to the only hospital on the island. 

 

Minho frantically felt for Jinwoo’s pulse, calling out his name. His skin looked lifeless and his eyelids had a purple cast to them. 

 

“Jinwoo. Please.” He chafed the cold, clammy hands between his own, hoping to bring some circulation there. He breathed a sigh of temporary relief when Jinwoo’s hand twitched and he felt him stir against his shoulder. 

 

He tenderly cupped his neck where cold sweat started to collect. 

 

“M-minho?” His voice was thready.

 

“I’m here. I got you.” Minho murmured, rubbing his arm up and down. 

 

“What—“ As if it took so much out of him to form words.

 

“You collapsed.” 

 

Jinwoo nodded. “Tired.” Barely a wisp of sound, but it lacerated Minho. 

 

“It’s okay. We’re gonna see a doctor.” He pressed his lips to Jinwoo’s damp brow. He was feverish again. 

 

“No. I just need to rest.” Jinwoo stiffened. 

 

“Jinwoo. This looks serious. You’ve been sick for a while. What if it’s something?” Minho pleaded. 

 

Jinwoo shook his head. “It’s nothing. I just got dizzy. Turn the car back, Seungyoon.” 

 

“You were unconscious!” Minho retorted. 

 

“I’m fine! Seungyoon, to the hotel.” Jinwoo sat up, away from Minho, but he wasn’t having it. 

 

Poor Seungyoon was looking at them from the rear view mirror, unsure of whom to listen to. 

 

“No.” Minho put his foot down. They were going to find out what’s wrong with him once and for all. He wasn’t going to tolerate Jinwoo’s stubborn streak when it came at the expense of his health. “To the hospital. You’ve been sick for too long. Stop being stubborn and let the doctor look at you.” 

 

Jinwoo’s eyes widened at his high handed treatment. Minho felt bad about forcing Jinwoo to go, but he just wanted him to get better already. 

 

With a voice louder than Minho ever heard him use, “Stop the car!”   
  


*

 

Jinwoo stared at him in disbelief. This man who barged into his life a few weeks ago suddenly deciding what was best for him, as if his opinion did not matter. He didn’t change at all. His total disregard for his wishes struck a chord in him. 

 

Heart pounding along with his head, he screamed. “Stop the car!” Frantically looking for the latch that would open the door, his stomach twisted and turned, the bile rising up in his throat. He wanted to throw up. 

 

He was livid. 

 

“Stop! Stop the car!” His voice broke as the sudden screech of tires halting jerked their bodies forward, Jinwoo colliding with the backrest of the driver’s seat, Minho’s arm automatically went in front of him to absorb most of the impact. 

 

Jinwoo didn’t think twice and popped the door open, scrambling out of the vehicle, swaying dangerously as everything tilted. Firm hands grabbed his arms, steadying him. Restraining him. 

 

He snapped. 

 

“You have no right!” Jinwoo yelled at his face. “ _ You have no right!”  _  He repeated.

 

With strength he did not know he possessed, he pushed Minho. Hard. The taller man actually fell back against the car door. 

 

“How dare you!” He stabbed his finger into Minho’s chest. “How dare you come back and tell me how to live my life? You have no right!” Tears clouded his vision that he could only see Minho’s stricken face. “How dare you treat me like this?” 

 

_ “How dare you leave me.”  _

 

His wrists were taken in an iron grip and was pulled into Minho’s arms. He couldn’t contain his sobs, his chest was aching so much and his head felt like it was going to explode. Words he didn’t want Minho to hear poured out. 

 

“How could you leave me?” So painful. His heart, his lungs, everything. So, so painful. “How could you?” His knees folded as his cries were absorbed into Minho’s shoulder. Racking sobs that shook his entire frame kept coming that he couldn’t breathe enough with their intensity. 

 

He couldn’t talk anymore, he was crying too much he was hyperventilating. 

 

Dimly, he heard Minho whispering to him, his hands rubbing his back, but were moving too fast to actually be soothing. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Minho kept repeating this as if it was going to make him feel better. As if it was going to make him  _ better.  _

 

They were rocking back and forth on the damp road when Jinwoo finally calmed. He clutched Minho’s sleeve like a lifeline, the wind whipped at them in all directions. 

 

“I’ll make it up to you. I swear, I’ll fix this.” Minho promised. 

 

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Does the pain ever end? 

 

“You’ve always been arrogant, Song Minho.” He said bitterly. “You think you have the power to fix everything.”

 

Minho stiffened. “Tell me. Tell me what I can do. I’ll do it. Everything.” 

 

Maybe it was exhaustion or sheer misery, but Jinwoo couldn’t find it in himself to hide it anymore. 

 

“You can’t fix this.” Jinwoo touched his cold fingers to Minho’s lapel. Close to his heart. 

 

“I’m dying.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [twitter](https://twitter.com/usmarchioness?s=09)  
> \- comments give me life


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